LOVE <3 LOVE <3

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

sometimes, life is just unfair. so sinhui, don be too upset. life is just a series of disappointment, followed by death. i hope u will take care. and not think too much. in any case, im always here for you. :) and yes, do well for ur seasons. :)

sometimes, you just find it so hard to please everyone. not everyone can accept the things u do and make them see things in the way u do. it jus hurts when after u put in so much effort in hope of making things better, making things happen, yet these people still think otherwise. they assume that u are just being tyrannic and being unreasonable, just simply because u no longer could hold ur temper anymore, u no longer keep the faith because they slowly destroy the faith. u wished u could rest for a short while. take a break from all that is suffocating you. u wished someone could finally see the reason why u are doing these things, how u are doing things, u hoped that they could help. that they can just be less self centred. they can just put in a little more effort.

but those hopes are merely hopes.

when u show different kind of attitude at different point of time, they sees u as tempremental. they thinks that u haf bad attitude. they dislike u. they jump into conclusion, just because they dont understand you. they cant be bothered to make the effort to ask, or perhaps, they dare not. anti-social they call u. aloof. outcast. everything, but a friend.

u feel tramuatized. u feel that the whole world is against you. and that they cant stand the sight of you. u began to slip into ur own world. ur own thots. u refuse to share anything with anyone. u bottled things up. u sink into depression. ur mind is filled with negative thots. but who gives a shit? no one. who cares? no one. u look at ur own reflection in front of a mirror. u wonder whats wrong with this girl in front of you. u wonder why. and u start to take all the blame upon urself. u began to hate yourself, like how others dislike you. u wonder whats the point of u existing. u began to think of reasons to live. and yet, u realised that these reasons are the actually the masterminds. they secretly hurt u, they instigate u to give up when u dont feel right. they make u fall faster. they make u feel the pain in a quicker and more intense way. they tear u apart. especially when u thought they have the ability to make things better.

when u care too much for somethings, some people, things and relationships evolves into something that are hard to fathom, that are intangible. to the extent that they appear in ur mind all the time. and i realli mean ALL THE TIME. its annoying. because u know they dont or wont think of u as much as u do. and u feel stupid. because, they dont even care. and they dont even know. or maybe they know. that they mean a lot to you. but do they realli feel the same for you? or are u just living in a world of lies and assumptions all along? living in your own world of self denial all the while? i hate it when i care. i hate it. but i cant stop myself from caring. from loving. because i have been doing it for such a long time. its a habit. its something in me.

shedded at 5:25 AM